Dad

Just called my Dad who is, and has been for many years, completely senile. He keeps calling me by everything but my name. Mostly he calls me Keith (my brother's name). I really hope he calls my brother Joe or I'm gonna be pretty peeved.

When I was a kid, my dad had two stock responses to my questions, any question: 'You'll die', or 'It'll explode'. 'Dad, what happens if you eat egg shells?', 'You'll die'. 'Dad, what happens if you put two radios next to each other?', 'They'll explode'. It's a miracle I survived such a dangerous world.

Still on the subject of my Dad: he has an uncanny ability to completely misjudge what stories might be interesting to other people. Get him on the subject of his sister Annie and he can't stop. However, it took him over 30 years to mention that
a) He happened to be in Havana when Castro's men, led by Che Guevera, invaded
b) His father, my grandfather, was aboard RMS Carpathia, the ship that picked up the survivors of the Titanic.

I hope it doesn't take that long to tell my kids about my star turn in Play Away, aged 6. Brian Cant? Brian Don't (it hurts) more like.

Saw my transexual friend in bar last night. I don't think I'm homophobic, but I feel really uncomfortable when she comes mincing up to me screaming like Graham Norton on helium. I managed to smile politely through my wince, made my excuses and left pretty sharpish. I'd forgotten how cute her cousin is though.

My mate PG sent me this link. V funny.

Things I've recently consumed:

* Billy Connolly tapes from 1974 when he played the banjo a lot and didn't live in LA. Actually it all seems to be musical gags, a la Richard Digence, but funnier.
* History of NME. It sucked. It rocked. It sucked again.
* Bacon and eggs. Not sure what animal the eggs belonged to though, they were very pale.
* Magic Numbers. A bit like the Beautiful South, you know
* Documentary on Conrad Black, Hollinger head, general bad egg.
* Coldplay's X & Y. Me gusta mucho their first 2 albums, but this is very bland and Chris whatshisface is looking more and more like a Yoga teacher every day.

Feeling very optimistic about the Brazilian situation tonight. I'm gonna go the safada route. Missing latina curves big time, in China they just don't have the shape I need. I was in Hong Kong yesterday and saw a Chinese woman with slight curves and I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Yes, I know...

A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, decided recently to look up all the men she'd slept with on the Internet. She didn't sleep with them on the Internet, she slept with them first, then looked them up on the Internet afterwards. Seemingly, all her bed-fellows are now massively successful. Personally, none of my bed-fellows are successful, in fact normally their highest achievement in life is bedding me, which goes to show how unsuccessful they really are.