Email from mom

I just got my first email from my mom. Am i alone in thinking there's something very, very wrong with that? She'll be borrowing my porn next.

She wrote the entire email in capitals, it was only 3 sentences long but it probably took 2 hours to write (my friend Clare who's a very emotional and sweet person, will be overcome with sympathy at this point, I can hear her saying 'Oh bless' as I write this). She wrote to wish me happy birthday, naturally, but also to tell me my brother's girlfriend is expecting. A baby I think. I always thought he was gay.

My ex-wife (who also wrote me a birthday email, bless her) saw my brother naked once. She was staying at my mother's house and spotted him strolling naked from his bedroom to the bathroom. My brother's the fit and sporty type so probably looks a lot better without his clothes on than I do.

Why am I telling you this? Better get back to work.

But before I do...

I was eating, alone, at a steak restaurant in Hong Kong last night, killing time waiting for my one and only friend here to arrive. Then in walks this girl who I thought I recognised and sat at the table opposite me. After a couple of minutes it finally dawns on me where I know her from...Macau. A couple of weeks ago, whilst drunk somewhere, I made some horrible attempts to speak to her (she's hot, naturally), none of them successful. The only thing I recall about the conversation was at one point she said to me, accusingly, 'Do you think I'm a prostitute?', and I replied 'No, I speak to all women that way'. Which looking back on it is quite funny considering I was very drunk. Didn't get me anywhere though.