Me Voy a Colombia. Otra Vez.

Well, temptation got the better of me...I decided to go to Colombia for Christmas after all. I leave on the 22nd. Cali and Cartagena. If you have any doubts about going to Colombia for Christmas, here´s what the Santas look like in a Colombian shopping mall. Jesus.

I went to Madrid this weekend with Richard. A good time was had by all. Well, by me anyway. On Saturday night we hooked up with a friend of mine, Sandra, and her mate L-something. In practice for my Colombia trip they took us to a Colombia restaurant and then a Colombian club where the women were fit and untouchable because everyone seemed to be en-coupled. I sort of ruined my chances with Sandra within a record-breaking 5 minutes in the taxi. I was telling her about my plans to drive from Cali to Cartagena. ´You shouldn´t drive on your own in Colombia´ she said. ´Oh no´ I said, reassuringly, ´I´ll be going with Yurley´. Then an ice-maiden routine began that lasted a good couple of hours until we were in the club and on our 3rd bottle of aguardiente. Things heated up for a little while after that but then got crap again when she started flirting with a thin Colombian guy in retaliation. So we buggered off.

Coz I´d scored an own goal in the first minute of the game, I was working extra hard for rest of the match. So much so that I broke one of two Golden Rules of Dating, ´Never Dance´. (Since you asked, the other one is make sure you´ve had a bath at least once 3 days prior to the date). Dancing is bad enough, but dancing in a salsa club full of Colombians is infinitely worse. They´re all so gorgeous and thin and dance so perfectly I looked ridiculous next to them all. I tried to say in Spanish ´Just pretend I´m your retarded cousin´, but I didn´t need to, she was already doing that.

Rich doesn´t speak a word of Spanish, but implemented his own version of the Knowing Gestures Strategy, this time through the medium of mime. He´s super-friendly and super-social, so meeting two girls for the first time who don´t speak his language wasn´t an obstacle for him. He performed admirably and they enjoyed his company much more than mine. Richard has never found himself in a situation he couldn´t mime himself out of.

I´m meeting a girl called Otavia on Wednesday. I´ve known her for a while but haven´t seen her for a year or so. She´s half-Brazilian, half-Spanish...I know. She is quite possibly the most beautiful woman I´ve ever met. I was explaining this to Richard who then insisted, quite reasonably as I would have done the same, on seeing a picture. I´m now trying to work out a way of taking a picture of her on Wednesday that won´t reveal what a pathetic weirdo I am. If you´ve got any suggestions...

My father has left hospital! He´s now in a rehabilitation home in Liverpool, where they´ll assess and prepare him for his return home. I was worried they´d drop him straight home which, even if he was visited daily, would be too much, but this half way house is a much better situation.