The Police, A Prostitute and a Car Crash

Or, ´My Introduction to the Pimping Business´

Or, 'Just Another Friday Afternoon'

Last night I went on the raz with a Spanish friend, who thankfully is still talking to me after my no-show in Seville. Had a great time, despite almost getting into a fight with a Spanish barman in Benalmadena.

The next morning I awoke, a little worse for wear, and stumbled down to pick up my car. No car. Nowhere. I rushed back to the apartment to get my friend to help me find it coz I couldn´t figure out if it had been towed away, I´d forgotten where I´d parked it or it had been stolen. Thankfully, she´s a lot brighter than me and noticed the big sticker where my car once was saying something along the lines of ´Your car´s been towed away, thickie´. So she called the police and we went to the garage, waited 2 hours for the police to arrive to apply an arbitrary Giri tax of 130 euros, and then we were off.

We were on our way to a friend of her´s to buy, erm, some electronic equipment. Now, how do I say this politely, but her friend is, erm, a Lady of the Night, a Prostitute, or as my mom would say, a Ho. And it seems business is doing very well these days by the look of her apartment. I mentioned that I was just about to leave for Jimena when she asked if she could hitch a ride with me to Marbella as she had to meet a Client. No problem with me, as Marbella is on the way. Although I did wonder if there´s a law about knowingly facilitating prostitution and if I was breaking it by giving her a ride. Anyway, as she was hot I decided I´d take the risk.

On the way, it turned out that her Special Friend was Irish and didn´t speak a word of Spanish, and she certainly doesn´t speak a word of English. I can´t quite work out how you get along if you don´t speak a word of each other´s language, but I suppose Love Will Find a Way. I was, however, forced to liaise between the two of them on the phone to figure out how to get to his apartment in Marbella which probably made him much more uncomfortable than it made me.

We found the apartment easy enough. I was hoping I wouldn´t have to see him face to face, for both oursakes, but he was waiting outside, in the rain. Little love sick puppy. We did the obligatory manly handshake, him thanking me for bringing her, then he said to me, ´Here, buy yourself a couple of beers´ and threw some money onto the front seat of my car. ´Oh no...really, it was on my...´ I began to say, when I noticed it was a 50 euro note, so thought yes please, I´ll have some of that and shut my mouth. He obviously thought I was her pimp. Which should bother me but doesn´t. Actually, it´s quite a thrill that someone out there thinks I´m a pimp.

Right. After my introduction to the delights of pimping I had to make my way to Jimena to see an apartment that´s for rent. It´s been pissing down with rain here and the shortcut I took to Jimena is really quite treachorous in parts. And, as you´ve probably guessed given my recent run of luck, I had a bit of an incident. I took a corner, a very sharp corner over a very steep cliff, a little too quickly. One of my wheels actually went over the other side and to compensate I sharply turned the steering wheel left. Thankfully, this got me out of the danger of crashing down the cliff, but threw me into another danger of skidding sideways down a very wet road against oncoming traffic. I ended up doing a 180 degree turn, but thankfully avoided crashing into other vehicles. The Policia Local just happened to be round the corner, and pulled up immediately...´Everything ok? ´ Yeah no problem. ´Well then move on, you´re stopping traffic´. So i turned around and continued my journey. This all happened in the space of about 30 seconds.

After all that, I decided I needed emergency acupuncture. She hasn´t seen me for a while...´So, how´s things?´ ´Oh ok, not much happening´