Travelling to China Today

I got my multi-entry visa, so today I'm travelling to China.

I'm a seasoned traveller, but I'm dreading it. I can't overstate how difficult the language barriers are here. Even in a place as relatively modern as Macau, I can't use the Portuguse names for anything, have to use the Chinese names and I find it impossible to remember the Chinese names for anything. So I get my workmate Chris to write the important names down in Chinese characters. Unfortunately I forgot to get her to write down the Chinese for 'border' and for 'Garden Hotel' so god knows what I'm going to do. My appetite for difficult travel has definitely waned recently, hopefully only temporarily.

Called my friend Erica in Cartagena Colombia this morning. There's a 13 hour time difference which means I have to call in the morning my time, which means I'm not drunk, which therefore means I rarely call. I've calculated that the time/drunk factor and the fact that I'm now using Skype will save me in the region of £6000 a year. Frightening.

Anyway, Erica. Erica is, I must say, hot. But then that goes without saying. The other thing Erica is, which doesn't go without saying, is very funny. I haven't laughed so hard since the last time I spoke with her. Not to sound too much like Judge Pickles, but I rarely find women funny. Her English is pretty good, better than my Spanish, so we speak about half and half which means we can communicate properly but also I can improve my Spanish. She lives with 2 lesbians, so as you can imagine, it's difficult for me to stop my mind wondering whenever I was at hers.

In many ways Erica is the perfect girl, unfortunately it takes 3 flights, 28 hours, and £1300 to get to Cartagena so I don't think I'll be seeing that much of her. I am trying to convince her to come over here for a couple of weeks though

It's her birthday next week. What do you get a girl on her 13th birthday?